Ewww Gross!

Funny moments are great. Every once in awhile something just makes you smile. This morning as I was getting some milk and an English Muffin from Lee’s, I got to have myself a little chuckle. As usual the employees were going about there business, seemingly without and sign of disgruntlement.

However, as I was passing the meat department I overheard the lady stacking meat exclaim, “GROSS!” The first thought I had was the lady might be a vegetarian. Wouldn’t that be wild? Hire some vegetarian to stack meat, pretty ironic. It also might have been that the meat was super nasty. Either way I was amused.

Popped eyeballs anyone?

Self-defense classes are awesome and a little weird, even more so when they are done by your church group, FHE. Let me start this off correctly, and by covering my bases, by saying the teachers were great. In case anything in here ever makes its way back to them I don't want to get something broke or pulled out of me.

The class was more oriented towards women; most self-defense classes seem to be this way. As you can imagine talking about being raped at a church outing doesn’t happen very often; it was a little bit awkward. What made it more awkward was the teachers demonstrated the rape position. Both of the teachers were guys. Sorry, no pictures.

Something fascinating, how much emphasis was placed on popping someone’s eyeball out of its socket, or just plain exploding it. I am 100% sure this move would be effective. If someone removed my eyeball, I’d be down for the count. The instructors said if you could actually get the eyeball to explode, well even better. Plus, I imagine, the ocular fluid from an exploded eyeball might give a person powers. I’m reminded of how Native Americans sometimes ate hearts to gain courage. Eyeball fluid should do something; perhaps, jumping higher.

Remember, after an eyeball is popped there will be vomiting; either by the popped or the poppee; be prepared. The added vomit will definitely be an added bonus and a more interesting story once the police arrive. “Officer, I didn’t mean to spew. I just didn’t know removing an eyeball would be so gross.”

The other part I found rather jocular was the demonstration on what to do if you were “on bottom”, or you being raped. One guy straddling another one if front of a room of people is a shock. It’s even more of a shock when the guy on bottom is being strangled by the guy on top. All the while trying to explain to everyone you need to punch this person in the throat or wail away on his junk, and of course, if you get the chance, go for the eyes!

Living la vida loca.

I’ve been single for awhile now; at least this is how I thought of myself. I’ve never really considered myself a bachelor. However, I do believe I have reached bachelordom. The bachelor is an interesting creature. Most are between the ages of 25 and 35. These men have been on their own so long they have adapted to a lifestyle most would find appalling. From eating habits to grooming, there is something most “normals” would find wrong about the bachelor’s lifestyle. I'm sure I'll get a few comments and posts from this post. Also, heads up ladies, the show The Bachelor, completely false.

Last night I came to the realization that I am in fact a bachelor. I was hungry so I decided to go to the store at 10:30 p.m. Now most people don’t go shopping at this time of night. However, everyone should. The variety of people at night is amazing and you never know what you’re going to see. You might see a midget, a pierced lady, a crazy person, even the elusive bearded lady; it is a good bet it will be memorable. Wal-Mart is usually the best place to go if you’re in the mood for a late night exhibition. I was at Smith's.

As I was wondering around I bought a pack of Ho-hos and a Mexican Coke, that’s it. I didn’t buy any vegetables, cleaning products, toiletries, etc.; I bought Ho-hos and Mexican Coke. I imagine I would never do something like this if I was married. It just wouldn’t be done. I’ve seen enough married guys to know what’s up. Even when I’m dating someone I don’t buy stuff like this, often. Women have a great power and ability to train men. The bachelor is a wild animal that has not yet been tamed. I realize that someday some lucky lady will tame me. Until that day I am going to frolic in the woods.

The Ho-hos were delicious, as was the Mexican Coke. I’m not sure eating the hot pickles was a good idea, but they were in the fridge, so I ate them. I finished my Ho-hos, Mexican Coke, and hot pickles while watching some 17 year old girl finish singing some song on American Idol. I hate that show. I slept soundly last night as I was kept company by the serpent women and a leprechaun army. Being a bachelor isn’t all bad. You just have to look at the positives. They’re definitely there.

Limited Time Offer

Life changing product endorsements are rare. However, I’d like to make one; the Sonicare Toothbrush has changed my life. I was tentative that a toothbrush could really be that great. I’d seen the commercials of sound waves destroying the cavity creeps, but I was doubtful. Could it really be? Let me tell you folks, it is 100% the truth. The first time I used it my knees almost gave out. I don’t know if I was overcome by the sudden realization of what I’d been missing, or the vibrations. It was probably the vibrations. It is an amazing piece of equipment. My mom gave me the tooth brush, because she already has an Oral B. What a great lady! However, as you read this mom, remember, no takesy-backsies.

Other than the toothbrush not much else has been going on. I’m still looking for a full-time job and getting ready, as much as possible, for grad school. I went to my Grandma Gwen’s funeral. It was nice, but I’m not a big fan of funerals. The next big advent on the old calendar is a family ski weekend at Brighton . It should be pretty exciting.

Resolution!

I'm not a big fan of New Year's resolutions. Mostly because people make them about trying to be less fat. Perhaps, I'm jealous. After much thought of what I'd really like to accomplish this year I think I've finally got it. I want to learn to sing.

Yep, you heard it from me. I want to learn to sing. While I was growing up I always linked singing with prancing about on a stage and all the stuff that went with that. The people involved in choir at my high school, were, not my type of people. For some reason fun, to them, was dressing up in a costume and singing some weird song with the hopes of kissing a girl or boy that was also prancing about in a costume. Because of this I've always thought singing was weird and never really have tried to sing.

I think this Christmas was also an eye opener/unspeakable abomination. I attempted to sing for our family talent show it was bad! I even have proof. It was recorded. Admittedly, it was half in jest. However, there was more truth to my performance than I would like to admit. Hence, my motivation to stretch my vocal chords and a new found burning desire to find and destroy that tape.

Going to church has helped, I know what music is suppose to sound like. Not enough, but it has helped. I figure if I try to sing one song and maybe even start going to ward choir, I might get better. I think I might even have a pretty good singing voice if I train a little bit. Here's to 2010 and Tyler "Dylan" Smith.

Reading for fun.

Now that I'm a college grad I find I have more time to read for, you guessed it, fun. I enjoy the Dune series. The current book I just finished, the fourth includes: clones; giant man-worm that can see through time, because he did a lot of drugs, and has all the voices of his ancestors in his head; war; business people; creepy old ladies; etc. Basically, the perfect book. I highly recommend the books.

I'm still trying to find a full time job, until I start grad school in the fall. I've applied for all kinds of jobs. It is taking all of my strenght not to go apply at the slaughter house. However, sometimes you gots to do what you gots to do. I've heard stories, and I'm not entirely sure slaughtering animals for 8 hours a day is a healthy mental activity. I bet I'd have some good stories.

For the first time in a long time I'm at a loss because school is starting. It doesn't really affect me. I don't have to registar for classes, weird. However, I am going to take two institute classes this winter. They should be fairly interesting, and at least keep me social.

Becca is also leaving the MTC pretty soon. I'm excited to start hearing some of her mission stories. Assuming she's a better writer than I was. Sorry family, I guess I just figured you could read my mind and know what was going on. Anyway, I'm excited to see how it goes for her.

Graduated!

I'm finally done. Five years later and I'm done. I ended up finishing with degrees in Economics(Managerial) and Spanish. I've been applying for full time jobs, but as of yet nothing.

I am just waiting for all the grads schools I applied to, to tell me how much they love me and want me to go there. I think the school that I want to go to the most is Brandeis University. It's in Waltham, MA. The university is a Jewish university. I seem to fit their guidelines for being admitted. However, I really need to get some funding from them as well. I guess if some company offered me an awesome job I take that instead. At this point that doesn't look like it is going to happen.

Life is pretty good. The snow is now covering the ground and it's looking like it might be a White Christmas. I also need to grab my skis so the winter is doable. It's not bad right now. Come mid-March, it is extremely important to have something you enjoy doing in the winter, otherwise you go nuts. I'm excited to see what's up next in life. Either way, it should be fun.