I’ve been single for awhile now; at least this is how I thought of myself. I’ve never really considered myself a bachelor. However, I do believe I have reached bachelordom. The bachelor is an interesting creature. Most are between the ages of 25 and 35. These men have been on their own so long they have adapted to a lifestyle most would find appalling. From eating habits to grooming, there is something most “normals” would find wrong about the bachelor’s lifestyle. I'm sure I'll get a few comments and posts from this post. Also, heads up ladies, the show The Bachelor, completely false.
Last night I came to the realization that I am in fact a bachelor. I was hungry so I decided to go to the store at 10:30 p.m. Now most people don’t go shopping at this time of night. However, everyone should. The variety of people at night is amazing and you never know what you’re going to see. You might see a midget, a pierced lady, a crazy person, even the elusive bearded lady; it is a good bet it will be memorable. Wal-Mart is usually the best place to go if you’re in the mood for a late night exhibition. I was at Smith's.
As I was wondering around I bought a pack of Ho-hos and a Mexican Coke, that’s it. I didn’t buy any vegetables, cleaning products, toiletries, etc.; I bought Ho-hos and Mexican Coke. I imagine I would never do something like this if I was married. It just wouldn’t be done. I’ve seen enough married guys to know what’s up. Even when I’m dating someone I don’t buy stuff like this, often. Women have a great power and ability to train men. The bachelor is a wild animal that has not yet been tamed. I realize that someday some lucky lady will tame me. Until that day I am going to frolic in the woods.
The Ho-hos were delicious, as was the Mexican Coke. I’m not sure eating the hot pickles was a good idea, but they were in the fridge, so I ate them. I finished my Ho-hos, Mexican Coke, and hot pickles while watching some 17 year old girl finish singing some song on American Idol. I hate that show. I slept soundly last night as I was kept company by the serpent women and a leprechaun army. Being a bachelor isn’t all bad. You just have to look at the positives. They’re definitely there.
Chronic Venous Insufficiency
8 years ago
7 comments:
I am off to bedtime and believe I will be chuckling as I drift off to sleep thinking of 'Where the Wild Things Are' and wondering why girls want to tame boys as they are perfect just as they are.
I too have participated in late night shopping as I coupon and would have to agree, Walmart is best for the variety of people you come across. But, there is something comfortable and familiar about it :)
Oh Tyler... We hope your lady comes along soon for the sake of your innards and all the poison food you're feeding them. It's good you don't eat mass quantities of all that processed nasty stuff.
Dude, it's not just bachelors who eat like that.
Whenver Garrett isn't home I pretty much only eat Kraft macaroni and cheese and diet coke.
I think it's a glorious life, but my colon would probably argue the fact...
Be nicer to the ladies and they may cook you a wonderful meal just cause you are such a great guy.
What I'm nothing but a gentleman.
Whaat is MexicN cOKE?
gRANDMA J
Mexican Coke is like normal coke, but with more sugar and made from sugar cane not corn.
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