Death unto Thee!

I’m in the double digits now. The bodies just keep mounting. Every day I see at least one of the enemy. Sometimes I enjoy placing one in the bath tub and watching it try to scurry up the side; they never get very far.

The earwig army has been advancing. A few days ago they officially crossed the 38th parallel, the point of definite aggression. Thus, negating any chance they might have had for mercy. A man can only be pushed so far! I didn’t mind seeing them hiding in the carpet. I didn’t even mind when I found one in my bed.

During the night of July 12, 2010 at 2:23 am I awoke to relieve myself. All went as planned, and I returned refreshed. The loss of moisture had peaked my thirst and I decided to have a little drink. In the darkness I fumbled for the container and place the lip of the bottle to my lips. As I swallowed the cool liquid, letting it pass over my tongue, I felt something move.

My throat at this point immediately sealed off and everything in my mouth was spewed out. I rushed for the light wanting some illumination on what the offending moving liquid could have been. As I cleaned the spit mixture I saw it, horns straight from Satan himself! These horns, however, weren’t located on the head. They were on the creatures back end, the dreaded earwig. The fiends struck a powerful blow. Due to their actions; I have sworn to take upon myself the role of aggressor. No earwig shall be safe!

Until this point the earwigs have been a mild disturbance and somewhat entertaining. My mom really hates the things. Now I too, will do my part to exterminate them. Any living thing that enters my mouth unwanted will incur my wrath! The day of reckoning is at hand my earwig friends, and I shall be victorious!